The day started off kind of unpleasant: sore throat, finding out I didn't get a teaching prize thing I applied for (and which at least one faculty member said I had a great shot at), broken watchband, jammed bike chain, lack of the right tools (needlenose pliers can only do so much), late for my conversation meeting, etc.
But it worked out well enough. My cold subsided a bit, and I went to meet Hussein (the first conversation partner I met), borrowing Amy's UBahn card. And that was good - two hours of talking about politics and religion in English (really fascinating), and an hour of stuttering German, which Hussein claimed was noticeably better than last week. And now I'm going to make a stir-fry thing with Amy, and talk to Naomi later tonight. Plus, one of Amy's friends is coming by tomorrow with a wrench, so I should be able to un-jam chain. So things will be alright. Overall, life's still good.
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Sorry about the teaching award dude. I thought you had a really good shot at that too (not knowing anything about your competition, etc.). At least you won about fifteen other awards this year.
ReplyDeleteThanks, man.
ReplyDeleteThough 15 is a little high. By about a factor of 10.
I'm finding myself developing a nice, well-rounded sense of paranoia about the job market. Anything that might be evidence that, say, my letters aren't that strong freaks me out, whereas any evidence that, say, I'll probably be fine (e.g. you and other smart people telling me I'll probably be fine) has no psychological staying power. I suppose there's some instrumental value in being wired like that, but it's stupid.
That sounds like a really bad morning. Broken watchband and bikechain in the same day? Loopey things really went bad for you. My heart goes out.
ReplyDeleteI identify strongly with what you said in the last paragraph of your comment above, about job market negatives having much sterner claws than positive vibes from friends and others. I don't want to hear the good stuff anymore, as in some ways it only brings me back to the bad. A singleminded, plodding fatalism is the mindset I've become most comfortable with, and intrusions into that just aren't entirely welcome. At the same time I recognize that these positive vibes come from kind generous people, and feel a little bad for this 'leave me alone' sentiment.
Plodding fatalism sounds like the most sustainable way to go, Jess. Some people seem to be able to keep up a "hey, whatever happens I'll be fine - life's great!" mindset, but I don't think I have that in me.
ReplyDeleteI had a joke that was working for a while, but quickly got old - when someone would tell me I was going to do fine, I'd say "Cool - could you write that down in a letter? Ha ha." Actually, maybe that was old before even being born.
Yeah. But remember that your letters address your research much more than your teaching. They write these letters expecting to sell you to research schools -- and also expecting someone else to write you a separate teaching letter. And your nomination for the teaching award was super last minute (they nominated you two days before the application was due), so I doubt anyone had a chance to change their letter dramatically.
ReplyDeleteThe point being: don't draw any conclusions from this about the strength of your letters.
(Read this imagining a paranoid trembling in my voice.)
ReplyDeleteBut the letters for the teaching award were actually supposed to be mainly about the quality of my research - the teaching evaluations were mainly supposed to speak for themselves. And those were letters that my committee members merely had to update, since they'd used them before.
(I know I'm being crazy. And I do definitely appreciate the consolation.)
Yeah. Maybe your teaching evaluations suck? Here's hoping.
ReplyDeleteI guess this won't alleviate your job market concerns, but I (as well as the other undergrads I talked to who encountered you) in the History of Modern Class in Spring 07 thought you were an amazing T.A. That Kant section you taught when Don was away rocked! And even now when people tell me they want to focus on Kant, I tell them they need to shave their head first so as to be like you.
ReplyDeleteThus, in my mind, that award belongs to YOU! ROAR!!!
Hey - thanks, Erica. Shucks. I may frame that and make it my computer background.
ReplyDelete